The most honest and in-depth reviews of outdoor sports equipment on the planet.

Random Review: F’real Smoothies

Cy Whitling reviews the F'real smoothie for Blister Gear Review

F’real Smoothies

Product: 2015 F’real Milkshakes and Smoothies

Manufacturer Stated Serving Size: 16oz

MSRP: $2.99-$3.99

Flavors Tested: Blueberry Raspberry Pomegranate, Strawberry, Chocolate Malt

Reviewer: 6’ 165 lbs, reckless driving style

Locations Tested: Gas Stations in Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Oregon, California and Washington

Days Tested: 15

Intro

Several years ago, Blister’s editor-in-chief kicked off the “Random Review” Series with his in-depth look at the Salsitas Spicy Salsa Chips.

Inspired by his analysis (and the idea of built-in guacamole), I am here to present my own gas station favorite.

No, F’real

I’m bad at driving and I don’t like doing it. But I do like skiing, and try to do that as much as possible. As a result, I end up sleeping in my car a decent amount, and I also spend an above-average amount of time in gas stations.

Fortunately, I still have the digestive system of a 21 year old male, since (unfortunately) I also have the eating habits of a 21 year old male.

But I don’t usually mind my diet of sour gummy worms, various Hostess pies (“Vs.” review coming soon if I can get it approved), gas station hot dogs, and the occasional slice of long-expired pizza.

But sometimes, I get a hankering for fruit.

It’s probably the same biological need for fruit that’s felt by pirates who are about to succumb to scurvy. This need cannot be sated with candy, no matter how “Sour apple-flavored with real fruit juice!” that candy may be.

Of course, in the high cholesterol, environment of your average gas station, fresh fruit is not often available. (I’m not at all willing to count the depressing looking apples or bananas sitting in the plastic bowl by the cash register with the sign, “Fresh”.)

That’s when I discovered F’real.

They claim to be “The folks who proudly bring you the BEST TASTING milkshakes, smoothies and frozen cappuccinos blended by YOU in our magical milkshake machine.”

They also claim to use “Real Ingredients” and “Fresh Blending.”

Cy Whitling reviews the F'real smoothie for Blister Gear Review

The F’real Smoothie in its natural habitat: the Open Road.

I was intrigued. The abundant use of ALL CAPS made me ready to believe that F’real could offer the solution I was looking for.

The Process.

In their marketing copy F’real claims that their milkshake machine is “Magical.” This may be the first time I have ever 100% agreed with a manufacturer’s description.

The image below gives some idea of the typical F’real setup:

Cy Whitling reviews the F'real smoothie for Blister Gear Review

The F’real F’reezer and Mixer

As you can see, the customer is greeted by an array of choices that are tastefully displayed in the F’real F’reezer. While it can be hard to choose a flavor, I’ve outlined a few of my favorite choices below.

Once you’ve made your decision, simply peel back the foil lid from your cup, and place its slotted base in the machined pedestal. Then choose your desired thickness (I usually go with “medium”) and press the Start button. The cup then ascends up into the machine, and your frozen treat will be ground into your preferred texture.

I have no idea what actually happens up there, but I assume there’s some kind of industrial-strength, multi blade grinder with some sort of laser heating. I would not recommend sticking your arm up into the F’real machine unless you want a nickname like “One Hand Ryan” or “Stumpy Steve.”

However, this machine is not merely a milkshake grinder. No, this is America! So this machine is also a personal marketer—you can watch ads for upcoming movies on its built-in screen as it prepares your snack.

Once it’s done whipping up your smoothie to the desired thickness, the magnificent machine then lowers your cup back down, and the screen prompts you to remove your shake.

This process is indeed magical, and in my opinion, nearly perfect. Though if there were flames shooting out the top of the machine, that would be cool too.

NEXT: Flavors, Comparisons, Etc.

5 Comments

  1. Blister Member
    Tom July 6, 2015 Reply

    Fun read. IMO, the best food item available in gas/convenience stores, esp in rural places.

    No 21 year old is a truly “good” driver. Keep at it, it’ll come!

  2. Em October 21, 2016 Reply

    Yesterday evening I bought 3 freal smoothies. .when we place the cups to grind or whipp up the frozen smoothie..the machine made this huge sound like it was breaking down ..The cashier even glanced over and shrugged his shoulders.. when we got home both my boys as drinking found pieces of shredded plastic in the mix..I don’t know how it got there but I kept the full cups with the plastic inside iam going to call the company to let them know about this incedent for us..last time I buy from those and that’s too bad because we finally found something simple and easy to access at anytime and the price was great…

  3. Michele S. Shera March 13, 2017 Reply

    Love my f’real candy cotton flavor and the cupcake batter one( not sure I have name correct). Thank you for inventing this. Hurry up and bring back my candy cotton flavor please.
    Smoothies are great also.
    Michele S. Shera
    Sandy Lake, Pennsylvania

  4. Don Moravec August 9, 2017 Reply

    This is absolutely the worst machine I have ever purchased. It came in damaged and it has never worked right from the day I bought it. I am returning it. They made it seem like all the problems were my fault.

  5. Ronny Stacy November 13, 2017 Reply

    It is the worst milkshake I’ve ever had McDonald’s milkshake is better

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*